Friday, May 18, 2012

Supermarket Wars (Grocery Dividers)

Have you ever been at the supermarket checkout and had some savage nearly break your spine grabbing across you for a divider to put between your shopping and theirs? 

This drives me nuts and I don't understand why there is such a panic to barricade their bunion cream from my tinned tuna. I also don't see the urgency to leap across to grab the divider like a hippopotamus after sitting on an electric fork.

Not only is this extremely bad manners but these "jumping hippopotamuses" are deficient of both social skills and anything resembling a moderate intelligence rating. I have already had the opportunity to peruse the goods on sale in the store and choose to stay away from feeding my family on tubs of lard, so why in the name of God would I want to contaminate my groceries with your poor selection of products let alone pay for them. 

It's as if their groceries are under fire from an enemy in a combat zone and the only way to save them is to shield them with the impenetrable shield that the store has so kindly provided for the protection of their weekly shop. I wonder what kind of protection is needed to move the groceries from the store to the car, that must be some operation. I can imagine Kevin Costner and his team dashing across the car park to make sure that the budget cola is safe from abduction. 

Lets face it these people can't handle normal life so anything out of the ordinary will probably make them blow their top. Whats the worst that can actually happen, besides you might God forbid actually have to speak to the sales clerk to say "that's mine"?

Here's how to mess with their heads just incase you want to push them over the edge.
  • When you see them reaching for the divider pretend you are also going for it, when the pull their hand back pull yours back also then repeat process until its totally awkward or someone losses their cool. 
  • Choose a check out with more customers than dividers, stretch your stuff to blend into the goods in front and behind you then just wait for the panic to start.
  • When they place it the divider on the belt take hold of it and move it to the front of your groceries (leaving their groceries "exposed").
  • Reach over and place a second divider beside the one they placed (this will offer double protection).
  • Pretend to reorganise your items and place something over the divider to hide it, see if they can resist moving it.
  • Make a last minute impulse buy and leave it on their side of the divider.
If you try any of these leave a comment below and let me know how it turned out.

Happy Shopping!