Gordo's Top Tips #3

Are you fed up of getting petrol or diesel on your hands at the fuel pumps after some knob has covered the pump in fuel?
Combat the aftereffect of sloppy cunts by storing polytene gloves inside your fuel cap. These gloves can be acquired/stolen at the bread section of your supermarket or at considerate fuel stations.

Gordo's top tips #2 (Skimming Fuel)

While we are being robbed at the pumps on a daily basis with extortionate prices for fuel, its time to take a small bit back. When buying fuel instead of dispensing an even amount overfill by 1 or 2 cents. When you get to the counter almost all of the cashiers will not ask for the extra few cents and in the unlikely event that they do you could resort to:

1. Fumbling around in your pockets for ages pretending that you don't have it until they tell you to get lost.
2. Complain that the pump is faulty and make a big deal out of it.
3. Just pay it and try again another time. 

I have never been asked for the extra few cents EVER.

You must remember that the cashiers are all human too and it always helps to say a cheery hello (kinda pretending that you know them cos your in all the time) with a smile. This makes it harder for them to ask for the extra in case they look scabby (when in fact its you that is). If you are a bollox to them they will ask for the extra and you've wasted your time. Also if you rub them up the wrong way they will remember you forever and you will have to wait for them to leave that job or die before you can try it on again.

Never buy anything else while your doing this as it will result in the exact amount of everything being paid and also you can maximise your skimming buy doing it in multiples of 10 rather than by larger amounts.

Don't forget to shake the last few dribbles out of the pump, its better in the tank than on the ground!